Twelve Days

I did not realize how emotionally invested I was in running the Bellingham Bay half marathon until suffering through this injury. I am so depressed about not being able run and train like I had planned. It has been 12 days since my last real run and it is now only 12 days until race day! Neither of those numbers are good for me. It is extremely depressing to go to bed each night hoping that I will wake up with a leg that is no longer injured but instead get out of bed and limp through my morning. Over the past two weeks it feels like it has been endless Epsom salt baths, ice packs, stretching and massaging and I still feel like I am not healing fast enough. I try not to let it get to me but it is very difficult. I should be anxious and excited for the upcoming race and instead I am just wondering if I will be even be able to run by then. I attempted the elliptical machine and then the stationary bike in the hopes that maybe I could get some cardio in and remind my legs that I expect them to carry me a great distance. I failed. Both machines hurt my leg too much for me to continue. I had to use all of my strength to not break down and cry right there in the gym. I want to run again. I'm tired of resting.

On the bright side I rolled out my IT band on the foam roller today and there was very little pain. This is the first time since I hurt myself that this has happened. I am hopeful that this will mean that I am healing and I am grasping at what little hope I have left of participating in and (*fingers crossed*) completing my half marathon. I have been trying to figure out what will happen on race day. These are the possible outcomes that I see for me.

1. I am able to run soon and get in as many miles (without overdoing it) before the race and then give it my all on race day. This leaves an opening for a big fat blow to my ego as my injury may prevent me from completing the race. If it acts up I will not be able to complete the race...it is excruciatingly painful to run on it and I don't want to ruin my chances of running my next half marathon on October 19th. If it starts hurting I will have Travis (my hero) come and pick me up. Fingers crossed that I will be able to finish it!!

2. I am healed but not ready for the 13.1 miles I could join Kristy, Jo and Bryce on their 5k, cheering them on and probably taking far too many pictures!! 

3. I wake up in pain (wallow in self-pity for a little while) and head to the race to cheer on Kristy, Jo and Bryce as they complete their 5k.

I am very hopeful that I will be able to run and finish but I am preparing myself for the worst. If I am unable to run the race I will find another one to sign up for so that I am still running the two half marathons that I am committed to doing. There is still time. Think healing thoughts for me!!